The Unjaded Youth

The Unjaded Youth

So I'm taking a trip to the LA / San Diego area over Thanksgiving break. I'm excited because it's my first time visiting the SoCal area. While waiting at the airport, a young, cute girl asked both myself and the guy next to me if we were going to Minneapolis, our connecting stop. We both said yes. She said "Yeah, my connecting plane boards 10 minutes before this one is scheduled to land". I asked "going to LA?". She said yes, and asked me if I was doing the same thing, I said "yes", and the conversation was started among the three of us.

I mostly sat back and kept on playing with my phone while the guy next to me chatted with her. They mostly went through the "rapport building" stuff, told each other where they were from, etc. She seemed receptive and didn't have a bitch shield on, and the conversation between the guy and the girl went on for about 20 minutes. The news came - the flight was delayed an hour and they changed the gate. The guy and his friend went to the other gate, and I struck up a conversation with the girl.

Me: So what type of shows do you guys do? (She travels to do comedy shows, and sets up the stage and all)
Her: We do skit comedy about dating and relationships
Me: So how long do the shows usually last?
Her: About 2 hrs, but you don't really notice it because it's really funny and interesting
...[some more rapport building question about the show]...
Me: So being in a show about dating and relationships, does it make you jaded about the whole relationship in general?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well, in the past few years, I've dated a lot of women. The more women I dated, the more I seemed to be able to streamline the process, making each one even more unspecial. Do you know what I mean?
Her: Yeah, I'm currently waiting, I let Crist guide my life and I feel like I will find that special somebody.

The conversation continued. Instead of chatting about boring rapport building stuff, she and I chatted about relationships, more of what people are looking for in life. I didn't try to close her, she isn't from the city I'm from and she seems pretty clear on what she wants (at age 19), and I certainly am nothing like what she's looking for.

My Analysis of her:

Good:

• Out going
• No bitch shield
• Not judgemental (especially when I told her I'm looking for and always had mLTR's)
• Young, cute
• Can take a joke (when I negged about not liking her name, so I'm gonna call her "Kim" from now on, it's one of my fav names for women)
• Her youthful body language - the body language of a teenager, from laying down on 2 adjacent airport seats to sitting on her chair Indian style.
  

Bad:

• Religion as ideal and reasoning, "I'm not dating because God doesn't want me to date right now"
• Has a "top 10 list" of what she wants out of her future husband - setting herself up for disappointments
• Thinks she knows exactly what she wants at age 19.

Misunderstandings And Hastiness

I was at a bar with Radium as night. I went to the bar to get a drink for myself and Radium, and opened a 2-set sitting on my left. I started a 2-3 sentence chat with the girl sitting closest to me, while Radium started talking with the other one. There was a slight misunderstanding on the drinks ordered with the bartender due to the loudness of the bar.

The girl closest to me playfully said "damn Asians" (I happen to be Asian). I ignored it and took slight offense. After getting my drink, I looked at Radium, he has his set engaged. I wanted to eject the set because of the Asian remark the girl I was talking to made, but I didn't want to drag Radium out of the set because he was doing well. I told him "I'm going to go play some pool, I'll be right back". I left, the pool table was being used, so I went sitting at a different bar inside the building, and started chatting with the bartender. My drink was finished, so I thought I'd come up and check on Radium, he still had his target engaged, was telling DHV stories and the whole deal, so I ordered another drink at the bar they were sitting at. I faced straight at the bar the whole time, a smile on my face because I felt like it was necessary in order to not blow Radium out of his set. The bartender took a while to get my change back, and the whole time I showed the whole set IOD's. My original targeted tried to start chatting with me, but I politely smiled and answered her questions as I was waiting on my change, almost like a male version of the "bitch shield". I waited on my change, tipped the bartender, and politely walked away again.

Later on, Radium joined me in the other bar after he number closed his target. As we were leaving the place hitting up the next bar, he asked me what happened. I told him about why I ejected, and Radium told me "Dude, she's Asian herself". Wow, it seems like me being unaware of random stuff has really bit me in the ass this time, she was simply trying to build rapport with the "Damn Asians" comment. Radium then told me she was married anyway.

Lingering thought: Did my target show interest in me because I showed her absolutely no interest at all, and this is one of those "wanting what they can't have" things? Or did she show me fake interest so I wouldn't drag Radium away from his target? Almost like a female version of a "wingman"?

Direct vs Indirect Game

I have this conversation with Radium a lot, the thoughts of direct vs indirect game. I'm more of a believer in indirect game due to my own personality, and Radium does direct game more because it's worked well for him in the past.

Example of Radium's direct game:

• [Directly look at the girls, speaking in a smooth, interested voice]
• Hey girls, what's going on. So what're your names? [wait on answer]
• Awesome, I'm [insert name].
• So where're you girls from? [wait on answer]
• That's awesome, I'm from [insert location].
• So are you going to college there? [wait on answer]
• Cool, what's your major? [wait on answer]
• [insert a 15 second comment about when he was in college].
• [ask next comfort building question]

Example of my indirect game:

• [Walking by a couple of girls, quick stop looking over the side of the shoulder, body language being a an angle, speaking in an extremely casual voice]
• Quick question, my friend and I made a bet. I lost and have to dye my hair. Is it acceptable for me to dye my hair black (I have natually black hair)?
• Awesome, I knew you girls would agree with me, thanks (or "Oh? Why not? I AM gonna dye my hair, he just didn't specify the color).
  
• [Interrupting whatever the girl's going to say next] Your nose wiggles when you talk, did you know that? Go ahead, what were you saying?
• [transitioin into DHV story]

Our philosophies on direct game:

Me: Going after them directly and showing too much interest in the girls(before they're interested in me) lowers my value. "I" approached "them", I'm more interested in them than they are interested in me. I'm after them, they know it, therefore I'm starting off with a handicap of the perceived (maybe subconscious) thought of "they're better than me", and "they have higher social value than I do".

Radium: I am great at building rapport, and they love talking about their favorite subjects - themselves. Women always tell me I'm a great listener because I let them yap on about themselves.

Personally, I think if done correctly, both work, and both work well. The main difference is the opener. At a certain point in pick-up, you're supposed to show interest, no matter what type of game you run. Here are some techniques to pull both off during the beginning phases of each game type:

To build attraction via direct game:

• Sub-communicating sincerity
• Strong intent
• Body language and directness showing high value

To build attraction via indirect game:

• Sub-communicating playfulness
• False Disqualification (through words or body language)
• Neg
• DHV stories

Loss Of Networking Girl

Well, easy come easy go. The girl I got through Networking Game found a boyfriend, and I'm truly happy for her. She's always been looking for that fairy tale, looking for her prince charming. I told her I'm not looking for anything exclusive, but I encouraged she to go find her fairy tale. Until she does, we can keep getting together. Well, she found someone that's willing to commit and treat her well, let's hope things work out for them. If things don't work out, I can always use an extra girl in my collection a bit down the road. :)

Seems like now I have to go out sarging more often and replace her. As my game evolves, I need to learn how to prolong casual relationships with exclusive relationship seeking women before they walk away. Such a predictable cycle:

• sarging
• hooking
• dating
• "the talk"
• settling on the girl's part (on the type of relationship)
• girl stops settling and walks out
• sarging to replace her

Thanks goodness this is a fun cycle. :)

Number Close - David DeAngelo 3 Minute Number Technique

Text-book David D 3-minute number close technique - quick intro, spend 3 minutes chatting, quick exit, turn around to leave, take 1 step, turn back around, "hey, do you have Email?" Women in major cities usually do have Email and usually don't mind giving them out due to the lack of intrusiveness, and while they're writing down their Email, say "write your number below that as well", their subconscious thinks "I'm writing down my Email, number's the same thing", and that's how numbers are gotten quickly.

I number-closed a cashier yesterday, using a variation of the technique above. This was a technique I've been using for more than a year or so, before I got into the community. Such a shame, that after all these "seduction training" and book knowledge, the one that brought success was actually something I used a year ago. Could it be a sign that my skills really isn't improving much?

It was a Saturday morning, 11:30AM at CVS drug store. I needed some cash so I dropped by to buy a bag of chips, and used my debit card. It was in a fairly ghetto part of town, the cashier looks young, African American, really thin, cute body, somewhere between 18-21, HB6-7.

Me, while paying: What's the max amount of cash I can take out?
HBcashier: Um........a hundred, maybe two hundred?
Me: Well, I'll take a hundred back then, don't need two hundred right now.
HBcashier: Okay, have a good day
Me, finished paying, nobody else in cashier line, slight body rock: So how early did you have to get up to work here?
HBcashier: I was here at 8 this morning
Me: Wow, that sucks. I remember working for Circuit City, they wanted me to get in early on Saturday too, but I'd always go out and party Friday night, and get to work at 11AM, and tell my manager "yeah......sorry..........I tried".
HBcashier, small laugh: Yeah, I'm trying to make some extra money
Me: Oh? What would you do with the extra money that you make?
HBcashier: I wanna go travel
Me: That's awesome, travelling's great, isn't it? Where have you been to this year?
HBcashier: Myrtle beach
Me: Yeah, I'm thinking of going to the beach in the next few weeks, but I don't know if I'll get to go this year, the weather's getting cold. . Where do you want to go?
HBcashier: Chicago
Me: You know what, I've never ever been to Chicago. What's in Chicago?
HBcashier: I don't know, just seemed like a fun city to go, it's just there
Me: Never thought about it like that, great idea. I'll definitely have to check out Chicago sometime.
HBcashier: Yeah, totally.
Me, quick body rock, turn back around: Hey, are you single?
HBcashier: Yes, I am
Me, handed back my receipt: Write down your number here, and we'll chat about Chicago sometime.

She wrote down her number and name (which was the first time I found out what her name is). I told her mine, and I wished her a good day and left the store.

Over Negging The Bartender

Monday night - To celebrate my breakthrough to overcoming approach anxiety, I decided to go to a huge local 3-star hotel by a convention center, hoping to sarge on some visitors, especially traveling business women. I convinced Radium to come with me.

Bar 1:
I arrived 5 minutes before Radium, trying to be super social, and started chatting with the bartender at the hotel bar. Radium joined us, we chatted for a bit. There was a female bartender and a male bartender that's occasionally dropping by. I asked for a Mojito from each, and negged the female bartender about the male bartender making better Mojitos, we asked if there're other bars in the hotel, she directed me to other ones, we chilled out and chatted for about 15 minutes longer. Radium and myself both finished our drinks, and I negged the female bartender by loudly (and obviously loudly) talking to Radium, "Dude, let's go check out the other bar, our bartender's kinda annoying". She gave us a smile after hearing it, and we left for the next bar in the hotel.

Bar 2:
We went to another bar, which we got greeted by 5 different employees at the same time at the entrance of the bar area. I made a joke about it, telling them how special I feel, I stood next to them acting like I was going to greet somebody as well, and said "I just want someone else to feel a little more special, so I'm going to join you guys for the next greeting", obviously I only stood there for 3 seconds, long enough to generate a laugh, and sat at the bar.

I ordered a drink, the bartender chatted with Radium and myself for a little bit, I started with quick small negs, the bartender seemed a bit more interested in talking with us.

I needed to use the restroom, asked for directions, and passed another bar on the way to the restroom. The bartender is standing around next to the bar entrance, because her whole bar's empty. She's in her early to mid 30's, blond, cute, about a 7 (out of 10). I smiled at her, she smiled back, I kept on walking to the bathroom. On the way back, I stroke up a conversation:

Me: What you up to?
HB7: Nothing really, nobody's here tonight
Me: Awwwww......I'd totally hang with you for a drink if my friend and I aren't already sitting on the other bar.
HB7: I understand
Me: I'll talk to you later (then a small tap on the shoulder)

I got back from the bathroom to rejoin the bar, my drink was still there, untouched (hopefully), I negged more and more, then asked some opinion about women then how old she is.

HBbartender:I'm 23
Me, playfully: Oh, wow, sorry, I no longer want to know what you think about it now, not that you're not important, but it's just not important to me because I usually date women in their early 30's.
HBbartender: How old are you?
Me: 105

Generated a quick laugh from the bartender, conversation kept on going, I negged more and more. At one point, she said "okay, I'm not gonna talk to you for 10 minutes" while still chatting with Radium due to my over-negging. I said "Okay, cool". I stood up with my drink in my hand, and walked away, to the other bar where HB7 was bar tending.

Bar 3:
I sat down at her bar, told her that my friend is trying to talk to the bartender, so I'm gonna leave them alone, and now I'm here to chill with you. She seemed receptive, which she has to be because she's the bartender and I'm the only person at her bar. She asked about my story, I talked about myself for a few minutes, I asked about her story, she talked about herself for a little while, we talked about common interests, all the local fun hangout places, etc.

We chatted more, I tell her I'm a fairly perceptive person, and gave her a really "interested, but analytical" stare for about 10 seconds, with my hand on my cheek and everything. She asked if I know anything about her by just looking at her for that long, I said "no, but I can tell you a lot about yourself if you wrote down your signature". She did, it transitioned into a handwriting analysis routine, at the end, I asked "so from a scale of 1 to 10, how close was I?". She said "8 or 9", continued to be surprised about how close I was, etc, so I said "here, let's give this psyc test a try, it'll tell me even more about you as a person, imagine a cube ..." I transitioned into a the cube game routine, built more comfort and value as I was "telling her about herself as a person, subconciously" while asking her more questions about her, and here's the horse part:

Me: So you imagined a unicore, which makes me think that you're looking for something super special, almost a guy that's too good to exist.
HB7: Well...........that's not true..........I like all the guys in my past
Me: Do you feel like most aren't good enough for you though? Like you're slightly better than all the guys you dated?
HB7: No
Me: It's okay if you do, cuz I feel like that sometimes
HB7:And why do you feel that way? Do you feel like you're more intelligent? Better looking? Make more money?
Me: Yes, I don't know, and yes. I also feel like I'm more travelled, more cultured, more open minded, etc. So you don't feel like your dream guy's too good to exist, huh? So are you currently in a relationship?
HB7: Yes
Me: How long have you guys been together?
HB7: 6 years.

So that set was wasted, I finished the cube routine, chatted with her for a bit while finishing my drink that I brought over from the other bar, and asked for a water. She handed me a water, I left her a nice tip, estimated it's been about 30 minutes already, said my goodbyes, and went back to the bar Radium was at.

Back to Bar 2:

By now, Radium had built some comfort with HBbartender. I went back with my new-found water from the other bar, and said:
Me: Your coworkers are some of the most awesome people ever.
HBbartender: Yeah, those are some great people (pointing to the hostesses in the same bar)
Me: No I was actually talking about the bartender at the other bar (pointing down the hall, basically gave her a "I had a lot more fun chatting with her than you" hint)
HBbartender: Oh, our bars don't really intermingle much, I've seen her, but I don't really know much about her.
Me: Wow, such a shame, you totally should. She's nice, intelligent, well cultured, well travelled, and really pretty. Too bad she's in a 6 year relationship, I totally would've given it a try if she wasn't.

I kept on chatting for a little while, asked Radium if he was ready to leave, he said "yes" and he went for a number close. He wasn't successful, but the bartender wanted him to come back, and said "I'll be here the next 3 days". While leaving, I asked:

Me: From a scale of 1-10, how nice of a guy do you think my friend is?
HBbartender: Like a 9 and a half
Me: Okay, from a scale of 1 - 10, how nice of a guy was I being tonight?
HBbartender: Well.....uh........
Me: Hmmmmm......like a 2-3?
HBbartender: Yeah, but you said it, not me.
Me: That's cool, I don't take offense. So from a scale of 1 - 10, how much of a jackass was I being tonight?
HBbartender: Well.....uh.......
Me: Like 8 or 9?
HBbartender: Yeah, I'd say so
Me: Appreciate it. Have a good night.

Things I did well:

• First bartender, negged a little about her mojito
• When 2nd bartender "stopped talking to me", I didn't just sit around looking like I'm not having fun, "being punished on time-out", I went out and showed her that I had even more fun
• Came back and talked about all the great qualities about the other bartender (competition, jealousy)
• Fun, interesting vibe

Things I fucked up on:

• Over-negged, can't judge the cue of when I should stop negging.

Getting Past Approach Anxiety

Okay, 2-set, HB6 and 8, straight ahead, I should open. I can't walk directly over, it shows intimidation. I need to think of an excuse to walk past them and "randomly" stop and ask an opinion opener. What can I do to walk over there casually without looking like I walked over just to approach them? what opener should I use? Oh crap, I looked at them too long, staled out the set, lost the "spontaneous" of the approach, this one's burnt, I shouldn't be opening this set now.

For the past 3-4 weeks, I felt like I was "getting into my own head" too much as I acquired more book knowledge. It gave me lots of approach anxiety which led me to not open sets at all. That was, until last Wednesday night. Radium and I went out sarging Wed night. We planned to hit up this local wine bar due to their half-off wine special. On the way walking there, I wanted to start being talkative to strangers, so I went with a functional opener with 2 girls walking the same direction, but somewhat behind us.

Set 1:
I stopped and waited 5 seconds for the girls to catch up to us, and said "Excuse me, do you girls know where Cafe [name] is?" They didn't know, and Radium asked "where're you two girls going?" The more talkative one said "we're going to [club name]", and Radium started talking about his awesome experiences in that club, the set was opened. By then, we were walking 2x2 on the sidewalk, Radium walked beside the more talkative one and I walked beside the less talkative one behind them. I looked at my target as Radium and his target were talking about the club, and we exchanged a smile. I asked her for her name, and started talking to her. She doesn't come out much because she has a baby (she's between 18 and 21 yrs old), we briefly chatted about her baby, how cute they are, built some small rapport. We arrived at the club the girls were going to within 3 minutes of chatting, and we shook hands with the girls before we kept on walking towards the wine bar. This helped curing my approach anxiety.

Set 2:
We arrived at the wine bar. We grabbed drinks, walked over to somewhere within proximity of a 2-set, chilled out for a while, chatting, laughing, having a great time. I opened the set with a quick opinion opener: "Hey guys, quick question. He and I made a bet over a game of basketball, and I lost, which means I have to dye my hair. Is it acceptable to settle the bet by me dying my hair black (I have naturally black hair)? The set was opened. One of them is actually a hair stylist, she said it wasn't acceptable, she talked about all the different ways I could streak my hair, etc. She gave me her business card to her salon, and told me to go there when I dye my hair. The whole time, we were talking about the bet and my hair, conversations died down, and we ejected.

Set 3:
We got another drink, came back and the other set was gone, and did the same thing with another 2-set. Radium opened with the same opener as before, but he was more aggressive with his voice tone and body language as he delivered his opener. The set didn't seem very receptive, we got an answer to the opinion opener and we ejected. Radium and I chatted a little about body language and aggressiveness.


Set 4:
As we left the bar, and went through a small park, we saw two fat chicks. I said in a really low voice to Radium: "Dude, I think we'll have to skip this set, I don't think I can bring myself to opening this one, even for practice". Radium opened the set anyway using the same opinion opener. We chatted, and I paid special attention to transitioning. The set seemed receptive, volunteered information, transitioning was fairly natural. A dead end came to the conversation, Radium picked it up with some "boring" questions, such as "where're you from, do you go to school, etc" and the conversation continued. I did a few transitions, multi-threading, etc. The conversation came into another stop, I said "well, it was great meeting you two ladies, and I wish you a good night". We ejected from this set as well.

Set 5:
As we walked down the street to the next bar, we were within proximity of another 2-set, and Radium opened using the same opinion opener. The four of us walked the same direction for a small while. Conversation died down a bit, Radium asked "life questions", and found out the girls were joining the military, Radium picked up the conversation with his experiences at the military, giving the girls advice about it. We stopped at our bar, said our goodbye's, and the set kept on walking to their cars.

Overall Analysis:

• The Good: No more approach anxiety, opened sets fairly confidently
• The Bad: Still having trouble keeping the conversation going smoothly, transitioning from one topic to another, etc.

URL Update - SeductionAdventures.com

This blog is now permanently resided at seductionadventures.com. Design is still a work in progress, but it's nice to know what the URL is as of now.

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Networking Game & Fool's Mate

Attributes of Fool's Mate:

• Easy success
• Tough to replicate
• Doesn't help much with overall experience
• Comes from chess term, where you beat the opponent in 2 (or 4) moves.
  

So now there's a new girl in my life that I met through networking game. Networking game as in an acquaintance of a friend, and we met in a social gathering which my friend attended. I number closed and time-bridged our first date to be watching the Olympic basketball game at my place.

• Time: 10AM on a Sunday morning.
• Place: My place.

I built some Kino really quick, when she was looking out of my downtown apartment window for the view (slightly bent over) when she first came in, I jokingly said "Are you trying show off your ass?" and gave it a quick, light smack. I didn't really care if I pissed her off anyway because I didn't put in the work of cold-approach, therefore I don't value her or the outcome much. She responded well, by the first quarter of the basketball game I held her in my arms on the couch. We made out during half-time, I transitioned into the bedroom, "sealed the deal", and the 2nd half of the basketball game was never watched. I've never had a SNL before, and this is the closest thing to it.

I spent the entire day with her and she invited me to sleep over her place that night which I did. We had "the talk" about what we're looking for in life. She's looking for a relationship but I'm not looking for anything exclusive. The idea of "dating around" seemed foreign to her, but she seemed okay with it, for now. I basically told her "I don't want to stop you from finding your prince charming because I'm not looking for anything exclusive, but until you find that prince charming, we can spend time together".

I've been spending about 2 nights a week with her for the past 2 weeks. She boosts my temporary happiness, but I feel like I cheated. I obtained her through networking game and not cold approach, and this experience does very little helping me improve my overall game.

Update with Kim

Same as before, haven't really advanced much physically or emotionally, still seeing her about once a week. I realized that I genuinely like her, and I'm being somewhat needy and AFCish.

Friday night date highlight:
On the date before that, I timebridged her to do Saki with me Friday night because a local Japanese restaurant has Saki specials on Friday nights. I told her to bring a change of cloths if she wanted to. I also jokingly asked if she snored when she sleeps, she said sometimes, and I said something like "if you wake me up with your snore, I'll randomly touch you so you can't sleep either". Stage was set, expectations were set.

On Friday, I got a flake attempt, she had a migraine. I offered to go over her place and bring some food so we don't have to go out, she accepted. It was somewhat of an AFCish thing to do, but I felt like it was "the right thing" to do, and it confirmed that she really did have a migraine, it wasn't a random flake so she can go do other things. After dinner when I randomly squeezed her ass, she said something like "I don't know how to say this without being awkward, I don't know what you were expecting tonight, but I can't because it's my time of the month". I gave her a kiss on the forehead and said "It's okay, like I always say, I don't wanna do anything you're not comfortable with".

Later on, when we were just chatting, I jokingly said "fuck you" like I always do.

Kim: Not tonight
Me: But future nights?
Kim: Maybe
Me: Aren't you a virgin?
Kim: Yeah
Me: Aren't you saving yourself for marriage?
Kim: No, I'm just tired of dating assholes
Me: I understand, but if you saved yourself all this time, I don't wanna be the guy that ruins it for you
Kim: You're talking as if that was sacred
Me: I understand

I kept on chatting with her. From the looks of it, she's considering losing her virginity to me. I don't even know if that's something I'd want to do - I feel guilty taking something from her that she can't restore, and she saved it all this time. But then again, it could be a random lead-on. I have a friend who met this new girl, who always sends him text messages and talks about "I'll tie you up" and "I'd spank you", but when he isolated her in his apartment, he didn't get anywhere at all. That made me slightly jaded about women and their (potentially false) sexual hints.

On the last date with her (following Monday night), I said something like "Yeah, I was making plans for this week and made plans for Tue - Thu, and I'm going out of town for the weekend. I realized that I didn't make plans to see you, and really wanted to see you this week, so I appreciate you coming out with me tonight". About 15 minutes into the date, I decided that I was too needy, too attached, and too AFC. So I mentally convinced myself to not like her much and pull back from this. I acted really indifferent and non-needy. When the conversation died down, I was not picking up the conversation during our dinner at a local deli and she had to start new conversation threads after 10 seconds of silence. We were going to go grocery shopping afterwards, I didn't offer to drive her to the store down the street, I just said "I'll meet you at [store name]. After we paid for our groceries at different lines, I didn't offer a goodnight hug like I normally would, no time-bridge to next date, I just walked to my car, said "have a good night", and Kim seemed slightly surprised. I didn't really care much for her surprise because I've already mentally telling myself that I no longer like her as much as I did before, and was prepared to not call her for a week and a half (I have plans every night for a week anyway).

To my surprise, she called me the next day at 6PM and left a message inviting to a baseball game that she's going to with her friends. I called her back:

Me: I wish you would've asked me before I made plans for this week
Kim: You know I don't like planning ahead, you're lucky I didn't ask you an hour before the game started
Me: Yeah, sorry, I got plans to go out drinking w/ some friends. You're welcome to join us for a drink or two afterwards
Kim: Well, I'll be with friends, I'll see what they want to do. I'll give you a call if we're joining you guys for drinks
Me: Sure, what time does the baseball game end?
Kim: Around 10-11.
Me: Yeah, we'll definitely be out drinking during those times, just give me a call if you want to join us.

We ended the call on that note, it'll be interesting to see if she's joining my friend and I for a drink while we go out sarging.

Things to Wonder About:

• After 5-6 dates, is it okay to be a little AFCish and a little needy?
• Her losing her virginity to me - random lead on or is she being sincere?
• Did she invite me to the baseball game (asked me out instead of me asking her out) because she sensed me withdrawing my attention and interest?
• Her inviting me to a baseball game this coming Thursday night - random shit-test? I've already told her I've got plans for the rest of the week.

Date 4 With Kim, Becoming AFC, Time Bridge

So I took Kim out for Pho (Vietnamese noodle soup) Wed night. We met up at my place because she didn't know where it was. Kim's never had Pho before, so she asked me what I was having, and I said "Either the #32 or #33, those two look most American". She ordered the 32 and I had 33. We kept things pretty light, joking around, talking about random stuff. Before the soup arrived, they brought condiments on a plate - bean sprouts and basil leaves. I handed it to her:

Me: That's your #32
Kim really believed me and was starting to eat it
Me, stopping her: Wow, I was just kidding, it's condiments.
Kim: Hey, if you say that was the #32, I was gonna believe you
Me Joking: Yeah, that would've been funny, but the reason I wouldn't let you do that wasn't for you, I just didn't want to be out of condiments when my food arrives.
Kim Joking: So you saved me from eating those not because you're a nice guy, but your own selfish reasons.
Me Joking: Yeah, totally.

We kept on just talking and joking and having fun with things. After dinner, I drove us both back to my place, and said "come on up with me". She said "Okay, only for a little while because I have to get up early tomorrow". I said "Yeah, I know, I have to get up early too because [inserted random lame excuse for having to get up early]". We kissed on the couch a little, she still did the quick kiss and lean away thing, but I held her head confidently, "here, this is how you should kiss". I made sure she couldn't lean away, she seemed to be okay with it.

I transitioned her into the bedroom, and took off her bra and shirt. I wasn't in a hurry, she put up some early resistance and covered her bra manually to her chest, but I respected it, but eventually she pulled her arms away from her body and I told her that her body's beautiful. She seemed really ticklish, probably from being somewhat new and nervous to my touch. I tested a few spots and realized she really was ticklish. She was okay with my hand resting still on her breast, but when I caressed her body, such as her stomach, it made her giggly. I pull off her jeans, but she held onto her underwear when I pulled it off, and I respected that too. She seemed giggly when I tried to rub between her legs through her underwear as well, so I didn't push it much.

I had some kind of an AFC talk with her, which I got "real".

Me: What do you want?
Kim: What do you mean, what do I want right now? What do I want in life? What do you mean?
Me: I meant with us. Are you looking to get married with kids? Looking for a serious relationship? Multiple longterm relationship? Dating around? Fuck buddy? What do you want?
Kim: I don't know, what do you want?
Me: Well, I'm not looking for anything exclusive right now, but I don't wanna be your fuck-buddy cuz I DO enjoy spending time with you outside the bedroom. What about you? What do you want?
Kim: I don't know, I wouldn't mind being married, I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, I wouldn't mind anything, I really don't know.
Me: I understand, we don't have to decide on anything now.

We kept on chatting, talking about random stuff while I had her in my arms. I also remember chatting about this thread:

Me: Are you comfortable?
Kim: Yeah.
Me: You sure? Cuz the last time we did this, I felt like I made you feel uncomfortable, that's why you flaked out on me the next time
Kim: I really wasn't feeling well
Me: Oh? I saw you in a bar the next day
Kim: That was the next day. I don't flake out.
Me: I understand, I just assumed it was a random flake-out, if I knew you really weren't feeling well, I'd drop by and bring you some soup or something.

I also remember acting somewhat "needy", I remember holding her on my bed and she said she needed to use the bathroom

Me: Nope, you don't get to go, I like holding you.
Kim: I AM coming back
Me: I know, but still, I like holding you right now, so you don't get to go.

Obviously, I let her go to the bathroom, but I might've seemed somewhat needy. The date ended well, and at the end of the date I tried to timebridge it into a Friday night date.

Me: Got plans Friday night?
Kim: My cousin's coming over with her kids and using our apartment pool, I really don't know when it'll end
Me: I'm going to [bigger city I spend a lot of weekends in] over the weekend, was thinking about Friday night, but I can go on Saturday if you think it'll end around 8-9ish and would like to get together Friday night.
Kim: Yeah, I really don't know, my cousin's the type of person that'll come by just to say hi and stay for 4 hours, so I really don't know.
Me: That's cool, if you think it'll end early, get back to me by Friday at noon, if not, I'll be making plans in [bigger city] for Friday night. If not, let's do dinner Tuesday night if you're available
Kim: Yeah, but I can't stay out late, gotta get up early on Wed
Me: Yeah, I'm thinking of 7ish, I got plans to go out drinking with some friends around 9-9:30ish, so I it wouldn't be too late.
Kim: That sounds good

She called me Friday night at 6PM.

Me: What's going on
Kim: Was I supposed to call you today at 12?
Me: Only if you think your cousin was leaving early, but I've already made some plans in [bigger city] for tonight, sorry. We're still on for dinner on Tuesday, right?
Kim: Uh......yeah.
Me: Cool, look forward seeing you Tuesday, I'll give you a call around 6ish. Have a good day.

Things I did well:

• Built more comfort on the date
• Time-bridged into next date
• Stuck to my own rules about her calling me by 12, if not, I can't get together.

Things I wondered about:

• Did I seem too AFCish and too needy during the date?
• Should I have not brought up "real issues" and kept it fun and adventurous the whole night?
• Her calling me at 6PM when I told her "call me by noon if you think you can get together Friday night", was that a random shit-test?
  

Tuesday Night Date, and time bridge

So, after all the random shenanigans with Kim, we went go-karting last Tuesday night. My mission was simple: damage control.

I talked to a few people, and they think I made her feel uncomfortable on our last date, and that's why she flaked out on me the next time. I had a mission that in this date, I was going to not push things physically, and build some comfort. I wanted to show her that I don't just want her for her body, I genuinely like her as a person, which I truly do.

We met up at the go-kart place and I bought two "unlimited passes" for $10 each. We stayed in line and we chatted, kept the conversation light and fun. I used the masturbating in the shower joke, she pretended like she wasn't amused, but I knew she found it funny, and I transitioned into a DHV story about my career and travel experiences - "Come on, the least you can do is a courtesy laugh. The last time I got a courtesy laugh was when I giving a presentation in a board room in Manhattan, ..."

About 30 minutes later, we got to ride the go-kart, mine was all the way at the back and my kart was significantly slower, and I went all the way through without seeing her. We decided to go one more time, and kept on chatting about more stuff. During this chat, she chatted about drinking, and said something like "I think while drunk, we do things we wanted to do anyway, we just don't think of the consequences as much", and she looked fairly serious about it. I lighted up the mood with "Yeah, totally, the next time I get drunk and fuck a goat, we all know that I am secretly attracted to goats, but now I got an excuse to fuck them". She called me a "goat fucker", I said something like "Oh yeah, totally, now that I think about it, you DO look like a goat, I'd totally fuck ya." We kept on joking some more.

We got to ride the go-kart again. She was one kart in front of me, but I got a kart that's somewhat faster now. I felt like I caught up with her really quickly. I don't know if she deliberately let me do that or if my kart really was a lot quicker. I bumped her out of the way in one turn and got in front of her, and I slowed down a bit to let her pass me. I then bumped her out of the way again and got in front of her. Of course, I let her pass me again, so it would almost feel like a true "competition". The 3rd time I bumped her out of the way in a turn, I spun her kart out and she was side ways against a railing, and I stopped behind her. The employee pushed her kart off the railing, and told everyone to go slow into spot where we get off the kart, because it was the last lap. Afterwards, we had a playful argument about who won.

Kim: I passed you twice and didn't have to cheat and bump into you like you did to me
Me: Doesn't matter, I still won
Kim: No, I finished in front of you
Me: That's only cuz I'm such a nice guy and waited on you when you span out
Kim: And who's fault is that, that I span out?
etc, etc, etc.

Afterwards, we went to I-hop down the road to grab desert. She talked about going out of town that coming weekend, which sucked because I was going to time-bridge into another date for that coming Friday night, to attempt to get intimate with her again after building more comfort. After desert, I drove her back to her car. We chatted outside a little more, leaning against my car. I built more comfort by talking about some deeper, "real", subjects. We chatted about whether we watch TV or read before going to sleep, what we think about after we turn off the light/TV, the 30 seconds to 5 minutes before actually falling asleep, "what ifs" in life and where our life would be if we made a different 50/50 major decision earlier on in our lives, etc.

During our chat, I positioned her in different spots. We started chatting when we both were leaning on my car, she was on the right side of me, looking in the same direction as I was. Later on, I pulled her in closer to me, and put my right arm around her, then as we chatted about more stuff, built more comfort, I pulled her off my car, positioned her in front of me but still facing the same direction so I'm leaned up against my car behind her, and wrapped my arms around her waist, and we kept on chatting. It's somewhat weird, she didn't have any reactions no matter what I did. She didn't seem uncomfortable or comfortable with either, she almost seemed emotionless. I then turned her around, and gave her a kiss on the lips. She gave me a short pecking-like kiss, but then leaned her head back, almost like she's got problems with intimacy. I wished her a good night, and wish her to have a good time out of town that coming weekend. I ended the date with "I'll give you a call sometime next week."

The following Saturday afternoon, I sent her a "non-needy" (in my own opinion, of course) text message just to keep the line of communication going - "This is such bs, stuck in line at atm behind a lady taking forever at the register and playing with her baby at the same time". I thought she'd be amused and reply with something like "haha" or something, but I didn't get a reply back.

I called her Sunday night to make some plans for mid-week. My rational was to reach her early so she doesn't plan anything yet, and get it by mid-week so I can schedule another date Friday night and make a move on her without it being "the next day". I called her at 8:30, she didn't pick up and I didn't leave a message. She called me back an hour later, I was on the phone and didn't pick up, she left a message saying "Hey, saw a missed call from you, bye". I called her back 10 minute after that and she answered.

Me: What's going on
Kim: Nothing really, how are you?
Me: I'm awesome, had fun on your trip?
Kim: Yeah, it was really fun, we just got back, and I'm really tired
Me: Glad you girls had fun. How long was the drive? 4-5 hours?
Kim: Yeah, about that, I know, I'm a wimp
Me: Yeah, totally. Did you drive, or did a friend drive? You have absolutely no reason to be tired if your friend drove
Kim: I drove
Me: Fine, I guess you can be tired driving then. Got plans Wed night?
Kim: Not that I know of
Me: Let's grab some Pho, have you ever had Vietnamese noodle soup?
Kim: No, I haven't.
Me: It's pronounced Fe in Vietnamese, but since we're Americans, we'll call it Fo.
Kim: [slight laugh, giggle]
Me: Let's plan on that Wed night around 7-7:30ish, cool?
Kim: Okay
Me: What works better for you? You dropping by my place and we'll drive there together? Or me texting you the address, you Mapquest it, and we meet there?
Kim: Well, I just turned off my text messaging plan last week, so texting won't work anymore.
Me: So you didn't get my text message yesterday?
Kim: No
Me: Yeah, I randomly texted you cuz I was stuck in line in an ATM with a lady playing with her baby taking forever. Do you still remember where I live?
Kim: I think so
Me: Awesome, let's plan on meeting at my place around 7-7:30ish, and we'll go grab food together.
Kim: Okay
Me: Cool, have a good night.

That was Sunday night, and it's currently Monday. Only time will tell if she flakes out again.

Things I did well:

• On the date - created more fun conversations
• On the date - built lots of comfort

Things I question about:

• When she talks about drinking and doing things we truly wanted to do, was she referring to the Friday night date when we semi-hooked up, and we both had drinks?
• Her lack of body language when I hold her in different positions, neither positive nor negative, neither nervousness or comfort. What was that about?
• Her turning off her text messaging service on her phone - real or random lie?
• Did I seem too needy or AFC-ish after the date? I said "I'd call her sometime next week" Tuesday night, and I texted her on Saturday and called her on Sunday.
• Should I have played more games, even though we've known each other for a while already? Should I have waited an hour to call her back because she waited an hour to call me back? Instead of asking her if she got plans Wed night, should I have said "I got some plans Monday and Tuesday night, but let's get together Wednesday night if you're free"?

Shanannigans After Friday Night Date

Haven't blogged for a while. Been going out a lot lately, but have no real good stories. I guess it's only fair I talk about what happened with the Friday Night Date girl, her name's Kim.

I called her the next Tuesday and set up a Wed night dinner date. I wanted to build some more comfort, showing her that it isn't just about the physical thing, I'm still willing to stick around afterwards, we still can get together and hang out, etc. She called on Wed afternoon and flaked out on me. Her excuse was "I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling well, I've got migraines". I said "cool, we'll reschedule" and ended the conversation.

The next night, I was out sarging with Radium and saw her coming out of a bar as I walked in. She was with a mixed group of guys and girls, I greeted her, really up beat, great smiling friendly vibe, hinted to Radium that she's the one that flaked out on me by saying "This is Kim, I was gonna have dinner with her yesterday, but she wasn't feeling well".

Kim: I really wasn't
Me: I'm glad you're feeling better, have a good night.

We went into the bar as she and her group walked out of it. I was really annoyed at the time, and I decided to delete her number off my phone. About a week and a half later on a Monday night, I received a call from her. I didn't pick up because I was hanging with Graves at the time. I also didn't really know who it was because I deleted her number off my phone, and she didn't leave a message. I called back about 45 minutes later, and realized it was her.

Me: Missed a call from you?
Kim: Hey, was just wondering if you were at your apartment, I was downtown with a friend. But we're not any more
(My apartment is within walking distance of downtown)
Me: Sorry, was hanging out with a friend, we're actually hitting up downtown right now.
Kim: Oh
Me: Hey, there's this Thai restaurant I'm thinking about checking out on Wednesday, you should join me
Kim: I'm not sure, can I get back to you tomorrow about this?
Me: Sure, just get back to me by tomorrow, have a good night.

I got off the phone, she called back the next day and gave some really weird excuse that she can't do dinner on Wednesday. Something like "I was at my parents' today, we picked vegetables and we're going to can them tomorrow". I basically said "That's cool, give me a call if you want to get together", and got off the phone with her again. Again, I "left the ball in her court", conveying the attitude of "I made my effort, now if you want to get together, you'd have to put some effort in".

The following Sunday, she called me and left me a message while I was going out day-game sarging with Graves. Her message was something casual, like "Hey, it's Kim, sorry about canceling the last two times, call me back".

I called her back the next day (Monday night).

Me: Hey, it's Paul
Kim: What's up
Me: Nothing really, was thinking of going go-karting tomorrow night, you should join me
Kim: Go karting?
Me: Yeah, it'll be fun
Kim: How much does it cost? I don't really have much money
Me: Don't worry about it, it's just a couple of bucks
Kim: You sure?
Me: Yeah, just a few dollars, no big deal. Do you know where ____ is?
Kim: Yeah, I do
Me: Cool, meet you there at 7:30?
Kim: Sure, sounds good.
Me: Awesome, have a good night.

We got off the phone, the date was set for the next night, which she didn't flake.

Things I did well:

• Non-neediness, decided to not call her until she calls me due to her being inconsiderate
• Being a man, not "asking her out", or "consulting on where we'll go", but telling her "this is where I'm thinking of going, you should join me"

Things I need to figure out:

• Does she not want to go out with me much? If she does, I'm sure she can find a few bucks to go go-karting with me, instead of hesitating due to money
• Does she not want to get romantic with me? She said she didn't have money, if she wanted to get romantic, she shouldn't have hesitated at all to let me pay, because that's what "romantic couples" do.

Decline Of Success

The chart below shows my level of success in every new technique I learn with my current skills - whether it's a new cross-over in basketball, new shot in billiards, or new strategy in a video game. When learning doing something new, I fuck up more than I succeed and am temporarily worse off than before, but after I master the new skills, I can take the new skills and incorporate with my existing ones, and see greater success I couldn't see before.

Sarging is no different. I used to get semi-success by "winging it" with fairly high energy as opener, such as "Hey, what's up" or "What's going on, what's your name" stuff, I got semi-success out of it. I currently am trying to learn The Mystery Method, or some form of variation of it. I'm trying to move my game into more opinion openers with transition into a conversation. As of right now, success is seldom, but I know this is something I should do as a part of my long-term success.

AMOGing and Winging

MM and I went out sarging Tuesday night. We went to this college-aged bar with drink specials. The drink special was being sold inside with loud music, and there's an attractive bartender somewhat bored outside by the patio working behind a tiki-bar. The bartender's tall, blond, skinny, nice legs. About a HB8. People weren't going to her due to the drink specials inside, she was chatting with another guy just standing by the bar. The guy she chatted with looked like a fairly small, non-threatening guy with glasses - gave the "lovable, intelligent, slightly nerdy guy" vibe. For the rest of the post, he'll be referred to as AFC.

AFC and HB8 were chatting here and there, with random pauses. Her body language looked bored, but not threatened enough for her to wish him away. Just for warm-ups, I opened the set with a random "undershirt or no with a button down shirt" opener, and MM picked up the conversation. I usually don't really do hired guns due to my own anxiety, so I distracted AFC while MM chatted with her. I chatted with AFC for a bit and MM was quiet deep in conversation with HB8. I felt it was safe for MM and didn't need to keep distracting AFC, and turned my back to the bar towards the patio, but still being friendly to AFC. I drank, chilled out for a while, and though I'd be social and say hi to random people walking by in front of me and the bouncers. Things went well, I started conversations with strangers, but mostly guys.

I sat down at a 6-seat table with only 4 girls, and said "my buddy's busy chatting with the bartender, thought I'd sit here and chat with you girls for a while." One of the hotter girls at the table said something like "Seems like he ditched you". I smiled, and said "he's chatting with her, and it's good that I leave them alone, because in return, when I do that, I'd want him to leave me alone as well. So what're your names?" Names were passed around, intros were made. The girls sitting further away from me kept talking among themselves while I struck up a conversation with a HB4 on the next seat. My weakness in my game's realized again - I can't keep a conversation going. We chatted about some random "boring" topics, and AFC came up and started talking, with fairly high energy. "Hey....____......What's up!!!" I chatted with AFC for a little more, he asked me how I was doing.

Ambiance: I'm doing awesome.
AFC, sees me sitting with girls: Yeah, looks like it. You ARE doing awesome, dude!
Ambiance, see the girls weren't paying attention to our conversation, smiled: Nah, I'm kinda sucking it up, can't keep a conversation going. You're welcome to give it a try
AFC: You're a good springboard dude

I didn't introduce AFC to the girls, and I chatted with HB4 for about 15 more seconds, realized I couldn't keep the conversation going and it ran dry, and I pointed at my empty glass. "I'm gonna grab more drinks". I left and never returned to the table, leaving AFC there. If nothing else, I gave AFC a free "in" to the 4-set.

I went back to the bar and was social for a little more. While HB8 was distracted with a customer, I looked at MM and said "ready to get outta here in a bit? He said "yeah". I asked "gonna go for the number close?" He said yes, and I turned around leaning on the bar, with my back to the bar, looking at the patio being social again. I saw AFC came back to the bar and started talking to MM and HB8. I turned back facing the bar again, seems like AFC finished pulling some childish "High 5", then brushed his hair with his hand when people are doing the high-5 to avoid the clap, and said "Oh, Burnt". MM didn't need distractions number closing. I started talking to AFC, he pulled the "oh, burnt" thing with me too, I held out my hand waiting on a high-5, and looked at him. "Come on, you can't leave me hanging, you have to do it now". He jokingly refused, and I kept on holding out my hand, hoping to buy MM enough time to number close. After about 30 seconds of this, I put my hand on his shoulder, rotated him around me so now my back's towards the bar and he's in front of me, and I said "Dude, you can't juts be leaving me hanging like that. This is what it's all about." I grabbed his hand, gave him some random bullshit handshake with a pat on the back and then a pat on the handshake with my other hand, etc. He said "I know what you're doing". I smiled and said "That's awesome". The vibe of both myself and AFC were upbeat and no apparent animosity. MM number closed, we called it a night.


Things I did well:

• First time I AMOGed a guy, I remember once I put one hand on his shoulder, looked at him in the face in front of HB8 and MM, and said "Dude, you're a cool guy. You have my approval and validation."
• Winged for MM well - Removed obstacles, especially late in the game when he was number closing.
• Being social - chatted with random people without intention of hitting on them (because they were most guys)
• Passed an early shit-test when I sat down at the table and one of the girls told me my friend ditched me to talk to the bartender - I didn't show weakness, dismay, or lose composure.
  

Things I need to improve on:

• Ability to keep up a conversation without it turning "boring" - hit a dead-end on both the bartender (HB8) and HB4 I was chatting with at the table.
• Get over my anxiety on "hired guns" - bartenders, waitresses, etc